"Nothing but the best, I wish you guys nothing but the best, nothing but the best", said my Best Man nearly 15 years ago at our wedding. Really though, he dropped his "g's" and said "nuthin" over and over. And it was more than likely among the poorest of all possible toasts. But he is one of the folks you know and a relatively decent fellow, at least in my grade -school and adolescent memories. Sadly, things have gone careening out of control and he has effectivley razed his already mediocre life. Now, the point of all this is that I have made it a habit to have nothing but the best ever since. And it is invariably nice that such nice people say that they wish me nothing but the best too. But I suspect the wishes are for the sort of best that is not actually better than the best of the well-wishers themselves. Ah, such is the human condition, but we nevertheless all seek the best, no?
No indeed. How can one really believe that with one cursory glance at our fellow apes? The best? The best is squeezing your rolls into your big-and-tall pants while your brood hangs off your nipples screaming for money and candy and for the goddamn dog to go to school with them? Or how about a dreamy drive down interstate 10 into downtown Houston while fellow drivers tailgate, flip you off, point and laugh at your honor roll student bumper sticker causing you to roast your nuts with scalding coffee and choke on your ham and cheese kolache? Is it the best to be so undereducated and politcally retarded that you think Santorum is actually a nice guy that would make a swell president or that the last book you read was the Betty Crocker cupcake compendium? Is it the best that your conversation topics are limited to The Voice, the weather and FaceBook posts?
But I am not allowed to say what is the best am I? Because everyone is equal, all ideas are equal, we are all "created" equal. It is nothing more than a matter of taste, and if people like those things that I find repulsive, well then, I should shut my pie hole and let them be. I am a snob and a bully and a liberal elitelist pig and I should immediately fling myself into a pile of manure and eat the manure and puke it up, then wither into a mere husk to expire and be carried away on the infernal winds of Hell never to return. But why then such toiling over this and that? Why earn degrees, lose weight, eat healthy foods, perfect our piano playing, increase our vocabulary, etc. Because it makes you better than the next guy or gal, that's why. Yes, admit it, you want to be able to say you are better than so and so. Liar!!!! Liar, Liar, pants on fire - cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater - hypocrite!!!! My apologies for all the name calling, but that is all part of it too. We tend to put easy-to-remember labels on non-examples. We are inexplicably allowed to choose one car over another, insurance policies, pizza, dogs, cats, condoms, pants, bird feeders, lawn mowers, coffee, cell phones. But not life styles? Come on!!! We don't want the stupid to feel stupid, the fat to feel fat, the lazy to feel lazy or the loathsome to feel loathed. Well, not "we". Perhaps you, but I am all for letting people feel the full force of their shortcomings and lack of desire and rigor to achieve something better than what they have.
I will have nothing but the best, thank you.
